The Art of Being Single

Ten years ago, I started The Art of Being Single because I wanted to meet people.  I wanted to meet single people and  always thought the best way was at cocktail parties, in an atmosphere among friends. Problem was nobody was having any or I wasn't invited if they did.  So I started my own. I rented space at a beautiful art gallery and made all the arrangements.  Announcements were sent to my friends in hopes they would pass it on to their single friends...and they did.  84 people showed up at the very first cocktail party.  The catchy thing was you had to invite someone of the opposite sex to attend.  You didn't have to walk in with that person, just commit to inviting someone to help balance out the ratio of men and women..."it's like bringing a dish to share!".  It was beautiful.  Fresh flowers, live music, appetizers, wine, beer and laughter.  The sight of people enjoying themselves, comfortably.

I didn't expect this venture to turn into a business.  The Art of Being Single set the scene for singles in the Triangle for over 2 1/2 years and became widely known in the area with over 1800 people on the mailing list.

I met someone through the events and wanted to spend time on my relationship with him and other areas of my life.  I put The Art of Being Single on hold and now, 7 years later, I feel the need to start them again.  It's unfortunate that the single population never lets up.  For one reason or another, people find themselves single, whether they wanted it or not.  It's a tough place to be in.  We aren't meant to be alone and there is no control over when love will enter your life again.  So making the best of your time while single is the best thing to do.

I'm going to make a second posting to this announcement explaining more about The Art of Being Single.  For now, I just wanted to get the info up and out.  Contact ABS on FaceBook.  Like the page, suggest to friends and Join the Mailing list on the facebook page (under profile picture).  You can contact me with any questions.  Shelle McCollum

From Mike Robbins

A few weeks ago I listened to a radio interview with Michael Beckwith, author of "Spiritual Liberation," and he said, "A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul." When I heard this I laughed out loud. The wisdom of his statement resonated with me deeply. I thought about a number of experiences in my life which have been quite "bad" for my ego (i.e., embarrassing, disappointing or even painful), but in hindsight have been great for my own growth and development.

Over this past week, I've had two specific situations, one in the middle of a seminar with one of my clients and another in a personal conversation, where I felt embarrassed -- things didn't turn out at all how I wanted them to and it seemed like I messed up. As I experienced these situations and have been reflecting on them, although I didn't like how they unfolded, I recognize that the discomfort involved in both instances was about me protecting my ego (in other words -- wanting to look good or at least not to look bad).

In retrospect, I'm grateful that both of these things happened exactly as they did. They were and continue to be good opportunities for me to learn, grow, and evolve -- both in my work and my life.

Too often our desire to protect our ego -- to avoid failure and embarrassment -- causes us to sell ourselves out, not go for what we truly want, or hold back in a variety of detrimental ways. When we remember that even if things don't turn out the way we think we want them to, not only will we survive, we can grow in the process. As the saying goes, "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger."

This is not to say that the only way to grow, evolve, and transform in life is through suffering, disappointment or pain. However, when we do experience difficulties, failures, and challenges -- all of which are normal and natural aspects of life and growth -- we have the capacity to turn these "bad" things into incredible opportunities for healing and transformation. While it may not seem that way to us (or our ego) initially, the deeper part of who we are (our soul) knows that everything happens for a reason and there are always important lessons for us to learn in each situation and experience in life.

Think of some of the things that have happened in your life that seemed "awful" to you at the time, but in hindsight are things you're incredibly grateful for now.

The most elegant, pleasurable, and self-loving way for us to grow and evolve is through joy, success and gratitude. However, due to the fact that difficulties do occur in life and that we often give away our power to the "bad" stuff (through resistance, judgment or worry), learning to relate to our challenges in a more positive and conscious way is a crucial part of our growth journey.

Remembering that what's usually at risk in life when we get scared is just our ego, can remind us, with compassion, that we don't have nearly as much to lose as we think we do. Embodying this insight (that a bad day for our ego is a good day for our soul) with empathy and perspective, allows us to live our lives with a deeper sense of forgiveness, faith and authenticity.

***

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of "Focus on the Good Stuff" (Wiley) and "Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken" (Wiley). More info - www.Mike-Robbins.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

I enjoyed this article. You can read the entire piece by clicking link at end of post. 
It's a good read, insightful and useful.

8 Things Everybody Ought to Know About Concentrating

8 Things Everybody Ought to Know About Concentrating

1. You can’t start concentrating until you’ve stopped getting distracted

The phrase above is self-explanatory. Yet, it’s amazing how most people look for some crazy, obtuse solution for the reason why they can’t concentrate. They reason, “I just have ADD. I can’t concentrate.” In reality, their situation likens itself to Mike’s situation above.
In the late 80′s, two researchers asked themselves a chicken-egg question. (“What came first the chicken or the egg?”). Their version centers on distraction and boredom. They asked themselves, “What came first, distraction or boredom.” What they found is rather subtle, yet it’s profoundly significant. They found that distraction leads to boredom (not the other way around). This displays that we must cut out distraction in order to get focused; or else, we’ll get bored.

2. Just do one important thing per day

Scientists also found that we can only focus on one thing at once. Nobody does that. We’ve always got something going on in the background of whatever we’re doing. We’ve always got two-dozen tasks on our to-do list. On top of this, we’ve got a handful of projects that we try and finish simultaneously.
When you’ve got a mountain of paperwork on your desk, the best thing to do is clear it all off. Pick it all up and place it in a drawer. Do anything required to get it out of your sight. After this, kick your feet up and daydream. Yes, I’m serious. Daydream and ask yourself the following question: “What’s the most important thing I can do right now?” Once you’ve identified the item that will actually make a difference, do it.
Try and make it a goal to do just one critical thing per day. This habit proves much more effective than living the routine everyone else lives: doing many insignificant things a day. They live on fooling themselves into thinking they’ve added value.
The quote below by John Wooden summarizes this quite nicely. Recall upon this daily if you’re having a difficult time breaking away from the ineffective lifestyle.

“Don’t mistake activity for achievement.” – John Wooden

Read the entire article

Sit still & be quiet

Sit still and be quiet. So simple to say, yet the inability is among many of us. These beautiful animals sit quietly and peacefully.  It's intuitive for them to be true to their nature. We have the same gift, however, where they surrender to their peaceful nature, we have the unfortunate freedom to fight it.

These are definitions of focus:

~Webster definition:  the concentration of attention or energy on something
~Tunnel vision defined:  a condition in which peripheral vision is greatly restricted
~Briany Quote Tony Robbins:  One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.

Why do people have trouble sitting still and being quiet?

~some maybe afraid of what they'll find.
      “It's a sad man my friend who's livin' in his own skin and can't stand the company"
~Afraid of the responsibility of realizing his purpose and not ready to live it.
~Afraid, for no other reason than not having self control.

True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.  ~William Penn

Sitting still actually feels unnatural in the beginning, but you'll come to love it.
Sometimes, playing non vocal music helps ease the transition while you find your center.
Try not to think about time, just sit.
Sit in a place you enjoy.  I sit in front of a window and face the sun.  Doing that has improved my experience.
If your mind is racing, stop and write your thoughts down, then bring yourself back to center.
Your mind will wander softly, but if it starts to think about random things, I bring my focus to my heart area.   My chest, heart area is what I identify as my center, that way when I need to control random thinking I can take deeper breaths focusing on that area and it helps block out distraction.
Sometimes, as you sit quietly, your mind shows you things and brings an awareness.
Sitting still is so important to getting a clear vision of where you are.  It's an opportunity during the day to be true to your nature, to recharge your energy and to feel the honesty of your feelings.

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.  God is the friend of silence.  See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence.... We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~Mother Teresa

Sitting still & being quiet
               Breathing
                        and just being
                                     is vital to your body